I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
