Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
