If that was your dad, he is hot
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
