I can text with my tongue
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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