Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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