i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
