and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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