god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just had sex on a roof
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
