I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
