i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
