I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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