...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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