Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
