Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
