Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
