somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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