Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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