She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So apparently I’m into choking now
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
