I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
