a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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