I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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