The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
