Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
