Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
