I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
