Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
