Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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