I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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