So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
