everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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