Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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