Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
