dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
