not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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