she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
