I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
