I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
