I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
