Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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