i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
