OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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