Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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