hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you didnt know i had herpes?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
