Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
there's paper in my vomit.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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