Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
