You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
