I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
