Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
