Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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