Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
