Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
