9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
