Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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