return my video game
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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