just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
