god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
