Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
